It’s so hard, sometimes, to figure out what I want to share online. The blogging landscape isn’t what it used to be, and I get tired of trying to make posts that would do well on social media. To compete with bloggers who do it specifically to make an income. I also struggle with what to share personally, because no longer is it acceptable to “word vomit” every single thought you have, and I don’t want everything I post to be negative or “doom and gloom” but that eliminates… 75% of my life right now.
A brief catch-up:
- My husband got a new job in January which requires him to fly all over the U.S., so he’s really only here on the weekends.
- My health has continued to worsen. I have hypothyroidism, I’m resistant to the medications. I start a new higher dosage Friday.
- I’m seeing a new doctor later today to see about my severe inflammation (that is showing on my blood work) and possible heart issues. Turns out, having doctor after specialist after doctor for 8 years neglect to properly listen and treat you due to their own issues and biases, is detrimental to your health big time. Can’t wait to fight my CPTSD to try and advocate for myself.
- My depression has gotten worse, partly due to COVID and how people still choose to not get vaccinated and not wear masks.
- I’m also dealing with awful sleep issues, turns out I am highly resistant to Ativan. Was taking up to 4 mg with zero effect.
- I turn 40 in October, and it makes me feel like I never had much of a life. I went from being a kid right into being a mother, and I don’t know where my identity is.
Now, that’s not to say there’s not any positivity going on. My kids are amazing. My garden which we doubled this year is thriving. I’ve gotten even closer to one of my best friends of over 20 years. The kitty herd is doing wonderful.
It’s just that there’s a lot in my head at all times, and I’m not sure anyone cares to hear about it.
I will leave you with this photo of a zinnia in my backyard that has a fluffy bee covered in pollen. The zinnia really is that intense color, this was shot on my iPhone 11 Max Pro and I only needed to crop it!